I Declare

I’m a strong women. I have worked my ass off to become the person I am today. I have become extremely self aware and confident for who I have become. To stay away from manipulation, toxic and controlling people. To spot the red flags right from the beginning with my intuition.

I know them.

I see right through them.

I created a lifestyle that is out of the norm and that is suitable for me. I surrounded myself with people who understand and live in similar ways. Some of them are just their for entertainment and others are their for life.

I am a loyal trustful person and live within the Now in most cases. I don’t care what people think or what they say or what they might say.

No one has walked my path, lived my pain, or saw life through my eyes.

No one.

In the end people will die and all that matters is my well being and if I felt comfortable.

I will keep living.

I will keep kissing a girl.

I will keep rebelling.

I will keep living in my own world.

I will keep being independent.

I will keep loving.

I will keep standing up for my values.

I will keep challenging you and I.

I will keep all my relationships balanced.

I will keep protecting my man.

I will keep fighting.

I will keep doing me.

So long as i’m not hurting a single soul, I will continue to make decisions based on that. It may not always be the best decision. So long as i’m ok and make peace with it, then at that time, in that moment, It is the best damn decision I can make!

This is who I am.

If you are insecure about yourself. Can’t step out of your bubble to see a unique view. If you can’t accept me for who I am. Then you have a long way to go and I will not be apart of that.

I just care about myself too much to have you drop me back to worthlessness.

I am free lioness ready to roar!!!

This is my declaration.

~Yaz~

Blinded By My Thoughts

How could I blame you when it was I who was injustice?

I have been blinded.

Blinded my own thoughts, my own world, my own views.

I didn’t see…I didn’t Believe…

What’s in front of me all along.

Blinded by a justifiable negligence.

I failed to recognize.

A smile filled with luminous intensity.

A heart unfolded.

A gaze penetrated.

What is happening?

Melting at the touch of my palm against his warm cheek.

Aching from the fire within.

What have I done to this humane soul?

How cruel it is…

To crush the heart of a man on his knees?

It is but a true nature of an antagonistic being.

I was antagonistic.

A stunning creature brought to this earth to surrender to me.

For me.

For the truth is…

It is I who kneels before you.

Aching for your compassion.

For your touch.

For your affable self.

Filled with awareness.

I avow my soul into yours.

~Yaz~

A Drop of Memory

In the vast sea of endless remarks lies a bed
A bed of tears
Each tear holds a memory

While I reminisce of the time I have now and the time I already had.

I lay their crying 

Every tear that falls in the sea opens a door to see through.

To see through the other side.

To remember.

Each stage that passed left a scar.

Each scar integrated this beautiful being intricately.

This being called I.

-Yaz-

What’s love to you?

You say you love me and everything you do comes out of love

Yet I see it differently

When I ask you to watch me do a cart-wheel 

You raise your hand and tell me not now

When I confine in you what I feel

The entire naighbor knows

I ask you how I look when I changed my style for you to notice

You plain out said you look like crap

You pushed me away at every turn and when you come to tell me something you want me to do you force it on me

You get angry because I shouldn’t be mad, and that you were just “talking”

When in fact

You neglected my ideas, threw my opinion in the trash, disregarded my existence to make a decision,

Made me feel like a nobody 

You made me one of your puppets that you can dress, and then get upset because things don’t go the way you planned them

The way you expexted them to

YOU

And you think that’s giving love? 

As long as you keep living in your perfect dream of reality that’s in your head, you’re going to be very  disappointed

Life doesn’t revolve around your narcissism

You can only drag people like you in your circle

You cannot take me

You do not own me

I take responsibility for my life and decisions 

You don’t make them for me

You gave me everything but the one things that truly matters…

I just want to know, in your head what does love feel like to you? 

You ask me why I can’t feel you…

I speak

I’m told to be quite

I sing

I’m silenced 

I dance

I’m told to sit

I play outside

I’m told not to get dirty

I ask a question 

I’m told when you get older you’ll know

I sit with the older kids

I’m told to act my age

I cry

I’m told to hold it in

I ask to play with you

I’m told you don’t have time

I get hurt/injured

I’m told thats life

I kiss you

I’m told i’m grown up for that

I was 8 years old then. If you can’t find the time to answer, play, laugh, and love me. How can I be myself around you. Do you honestly believe im going to be the same? 

If I show any sign of emotion and affection, i’m told and taught over and over again to suppress it. 

If my own parents thought they were teaching me to be better, they were stripping me of my identity.

She has no idea, that i go to bed crying on my pillow every night because I can’t show her my emotional side. I can’t even show her that I care. 

To the point where I can’t love her. 

I’m 24 now, im still suffering from emotional sabotage of my mothers parenting. You think it doesn’t matter. You think it doesn’t affect me. 

It has affected me and every relationship I have tried to be in. 

And you ask me why I can’t feel you.